Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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