you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
