i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
