i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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