i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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