just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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