yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
