i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
