I heard we made out
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
