shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
