my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
