I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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