How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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