She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
