Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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