Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
