Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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