i don't like sucking hair
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
