Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
