it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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