so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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