he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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