That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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