Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
