I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
This is the high leading the old right now
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
