y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
