Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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