i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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