smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
How drunk are you?
Completed.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
