My pussy is not your playground.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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