I can tuck mytits in my pants
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
