Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
