Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
