remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
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I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
its liver damage thursday
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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