I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
