another moral hangover. fuck.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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