proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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