She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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