I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
