Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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