I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
there's paper in my vomit.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
