So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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