we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
