I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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