YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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