is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
