Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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