great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
