She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
