you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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