God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
