Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
