I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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