you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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