I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
