I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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