do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
They have beer where we have blood.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
