If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
