i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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