he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
