omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
How's work?
Spinning.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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