yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
