You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
