is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
The ass gains better be worth it
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