dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
