six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
