it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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