i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
