Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Did I show you my penis last night?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
