I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
