With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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