I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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