you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
