I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
