I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
