Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
