No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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