Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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