He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
